Day 44: Stand-Up for a Surgeon
Late at night in a Moscow kitchen, a young stand-up comedian tries out his new set on his older brother, a surgeon who hardly ever laughs.
How to study this lesson 3 steps
- Read the situation under the title.
- Read the dialogue and its translation. The audio for this lesson is coming soon.
- Spend at least 30 minutes listening to native Russian audio, for example from the Resources page. It doesn't matter if you don't understand it yet.
Dialogue
Audio for this lesson is coming soon. For now, read the dialogue and its translation.
Keys: E hide English · ← → previous / next day
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A
Слушай, у меня в пятницу сет на разогреве, пятнадцать минут. Давай прогоню на тебе, ты у нас самый суровый зал.
Listen, I've got a warm-up set on Friday, fifteen minutes. Let me run it past you, you're the toughest crowd we've got.
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B
Прогоняй. Только учти, я после двух операций, так что смеяться буду строго по показаниям.
Go on. Only bear in mind I've done two operations today, so I'll laugh strictly as medically indicated.
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A
Итак: «Мой брат работает хирургом. Это единственная профессия, где за разрезанного человека говорят спасибо».
Here goes: 'My brother is a surgeon. It's the only job where people thank you for cutting someone open.'
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B
Формально верно. Хотя благодарят обычно за зашитого, а не за разрезанного. Дальше.
Technically correct. Though people usually thank you for sewing them up, not for cutting them open. Next.
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A
Это вообще-то панчлайн был! Ладно: «Я пошёл в стендап, потому что в нашей семье кто-то должен был людей смешить, а не резать».
That was the punchline, actually! Fine: 'I went into stand-up because somebody in our family had to make people laugh instead of cutting them up.'
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B
Мама, насколько я помню, говорила: «Лучше бы на юриста пошёл». Но у тебя, конечно, складнее.
As far as I remember, Mum said: 'You'd have done better to study law.' But your version flows better, of course.
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A
Ты хоть раз улыбнёшься? У тебя лицо, как у анестезиолога, который ждёт, пока пациент досчитает до десяти.
Are you ever going to smile? You've got a face like an anaesthetist waiting for the patient to count to ten.
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B
Анестезиологи, к твоему сведению, самые весёлые люди в больнице. Давай следующую, мне завтра к восьми.
Anaesthetists, for your information, are the cheeriest people in the hospital. Next one, I've got to be in by eight tomorrow.
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A
Всё, ни одна шутка не заходит, сдаюсь... Ты пельмени доедать будешь?
That's it, not a single joke is landing, I give up... Are you going to finish those dumplings?
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B
Ой, не могу... Вот это смешно! Лицо трагическое, пауза, и про пельмени. Ты первый раз за вечер был живым человеком.
Oh, I can't... Now that's funny! Tragic face, a pause, and then the dumplings. For the first time tonight you were a real human being.
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A
То есть пятнадцать минут текста в помойку, а зайдут пельмени? Отлично, так и запишу: панчлайн, пельмени, поклон.
So fifteen minutes of material goes in the bin, and the dumplings land? Great, I'll write it down: punchline, dumplings, bow.
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